Warring Against Apathy

As we approach day forty of the stay-at-home (or quarantine or lockdown or whatever-you-want-to-call-it) era, I've noticed a bit of a shift. Maybe you've noticed it, too.

Remember a few weeks ago when you received regular text messages, phone calls, invitations to video chats, and the like? Maybe you even created a schedule for checking in with friends and family. This, of course, came after the initial panic subsided. Remember the panic days? The "oh crap, people are going to start rioting over toilet paper" days? When you probably started looking around your home to see what you could use as currency when cash or debit/credit stopped being an option? No, you moved beyond that and could start thinking outside of yourself, making sure your loved ones had what they needed, including some semblance of mental health.

So part of your routine included these check-ins. We've become familiar with Zoom, Google Hang-outs (or Meetings), Microsoft Teams, Skype, et cetera. My wife and I have participated in a couple virtual happy hours and even a virtual game night (thanks to Hollywood Paul, not Paul Hollywood).

My hobbit friend (you may remember him as the guy who called me at mile twenty of his first--and only--marathon, walking in circles, doubting he could finish) recently asked me how I was doing with the pandemic and staying at home. After a moment or two, I responded to his text with "warring against apathy."

On a family walk in our beloved Mill Creek Park, my teenage son and I were discussing this very thing, kind of reflecting on our mental states. As he tried to articulate his emotions, he looked at me and said, "Is 'apathy' the right word here?" "Exactly," I responded. (I'm regularly impressed with and proud of my kids, but sometimes they really get it.)

See, we're all--like, the entire world--working through the stages of grief here. Everyone is mourning a loss, after all, whether it's the loss of a loved one or simply the former way of life. And I believe most of us are currently in the depression stage, the place where we feel numb, exhausted, and certainly empty. Maybe you even feel hopeless, maybe helpless. It's the stage where people withdraw, hole up somewhere, and wonder whether or not it's worth charging ahead. (It's mile twenty when you call your friend from the marathon course.)

But I say charge ahead, friends! What you feel is not always true or reliable. Take up those text messages and phone calls again. Schedule another round of virtual game night. Take a walk or go for a run (by yourself or only with the people in your home). After all, when asked several years ago by a nascent runner what I do when I don't have the motivation to run, I answered, "Discipline is motivation."

You Say It's Your Birthday...

You know the rest.

A great and good friend reminded me that I'm a "man with crazy resolve," ready to put my head down and do hard work (even, I suppose, if that means repeatedly running into a brick wall). I like to set goals for myself, and I learned many years ago that measurable goals are the best kind. How else do you know if you've attained them? So running makes a lot of sense: it's full of stats like mileage, pace, heart rate, breathing rate, VO2 max, et cetera. (In the last week, I crossed two mileage goals off my list. Usually I aim to run some distance associated with my age, so I set a goal of forty-four miles for the week--I ran 50. Also, last Saturday I realized I was close to my PR for miles in a month, and Sunday I saw that I was awfully close to 200 miles in March, with two days to go. So I set a new PR by running 200 miles last month. Oh, and I ran eight miles today...4 + 4.)

Most of marathon training (at least mine) works backward from the race date. When designing a training plan, I usually start with race day and start inserting workouts for the previous twelve-fourteen weeks, often with a goal finish time in mind. And all (or most) of the workouts have that finish time at the heart of them. Establishing and maintaining base fitness is important for speed workouts. Speed workouts are designed to build fast-twitch muscles so I can run faster for a longer time. It's easy to get swamped with all the data, but there's another side to it all: feel.

I had trained well for the 2019 Houston Marathon, even feeling like I had a chance to post a new PR, something I hadn't done since November 2016 in Richmond, Virginia. During the Houston race, I wrestled internally as I crossed each mile marker. "Too fast. Not sure I can maintain this." But I felt great, so I kept knocking out miles. My body felt good. I mean, my legs got tight, my back hurt, and I slowly got dehydrated--I was running a marathon, after all. But I didn't feel like falling apart. For some reason that day, blending the data with how I felt, I could continue to move forward. And I crossed the finish line with a fresh PR, by seven minutes.

It's taken over a year to recap and write about that race. (And I'm sure I haven't done it justice. I'll have another go at it in the future.) So why today, on my forty-fourth birthday? I guess it's easy to get overwhelmed by all the data. How much time have you spent in the last few weeks tracking novel coronavirus? How many articles have you read? How may podcasts have you listened to? How much news have you watched? (Frankly, I can't wait to stop talking about COVID-19!) I can't and won't encourage you to rely on feel through this. In fact, just the opposite. We have to rely on what we know is true. Conjecture can lead to misunderstanding which can and does lead to panic. And that can cause us to devour one another. Please, don't get overwhelmed by the data, but don't rely entirely on your feelings. Instead, try to blend the two by taking what is true and praying your feelings follow. And breathe. It's better when you breathe.

(My friend A & I celebrated the completion of the 2019 Youngstown Race Series. He is going to be an incredible runner. He already is one, and I'm proud to know him--and his brothers.)

P.S. I turn 44 today, and that makes me think of Hank Aaron. If you haven't thought about Hammerin' Hank for a while, look him up, and be inspired.